Sasodei HSFF part 30

The return plane journey wasn’t as disastrous as the arrival; what with the disappearance of twitchy guy and posh woman. Perhaps they were staying an extra week?
Instead of the old neighbouring passengers,   Deidara became acquainted with Ripley-Arm-Man, and Sasori was next to Call-Me-Arnold.  

The airport in Japan was worse than the French one, though.  While looking round the duty free for a present for his mum, Deidara was squirted with a fragrance he could recall as being more close to “Essence of crap” Then “Essence of paradise.” Which the perfume was named.

When the blond finally reached his aristocratic town house he felt relief at the sight of it and his quite immense mother. Apparently, she had decided against letting her son have the power of deciding the name, if he did get a sister, of his sister. She had found the ‘cutest’ name instead.

“...Helene?” Deidara repeated in a bored tone. “That’s the name you like, un...?”
As she beamed happily, Deidara let the matter drop. Ah well. He hadn’t come up with a decent name yet anyway. He slouched upstairs to his spacious bedroom, and once inside, flopped backwards onto the bed.
Jet lag engulfed the young man, but something else he had doe before was prying on his mind.

Deidara closed his eyes and thought back to the Paris weekend.

After he and Sasori’s apartment keys had been handed back to them by some police men, they had reclined in their room for a while. Deidara went into the bathroom---still feeling ill. He was still carrying the phone. Now in privacy, the blond took out the small device. The blond felt that this little phone was a symbol for the entire problem he was having with deciding what to do with the last gang-member, Mutsu.
As thought before, the sculptor didn’t want to risk Sasori’s safety by informing him of the info on Mutsu. But he realised the guy had to be punished.
But by whom...?

While thinking this, Deidara was sat opposite a mirror, brushing his hair. He was about to avert his eyes, until an extremely sudden thought came to him. He looked at the mirror again. And again.
... Moreover, he looked at his reflection.

Of course! The blond mentally screamed.  The answer was so simple; He could do it! He, Deidara, Could kill the last gang member! How had not come to this conclusion before?!
He had killed one before, right? So, strictly speaking, it wasn’t exactly new tricks. And I won’t feel any remorse, the blond added as an afterthought, because these guys caused Sasori so much pain.
The blond knew that he must not get to ahead of himself. Killing this guy successfully without being caught by the police, or Sasori, would take lots of careful preparation.  Deidara listened to the voicemail yet again, this time jotting everything down on some hotel supplied paper.

With a sudden brainwave, he decided on sending a replying text back to Kabuto. He pondered over what to put, before hastily settling with “Message Received.”

Once again, the sculptor found himself with his thumb hovering over the delete button. Getting rid of the message Kabuto had sent Sasori would ensure that the redhead would have no idea that the gang member had been found...but it also meant that Deidara would have to kill him, no backing out.  
He pressed ‘delete’ with a swift smile.





The blond snapped out of his little day-dream over past events. He didn’t...regret choosing to Kill Mutsu. Just felt a little odd about it all, still.
Halfway across town, Sasori was having a little inner-confliction of his own---although, to accompany it, eh was also having outer confliction.

“What?!” He shouted down the phone. “You can’t possibly expect me too...that’s sabotage, you old hag!”

He was having a very strenuous conversation with his grandmother. He hadn’t spoken to her since Christmas, some three weeks ago. She was telling him-actually more forcing him to listen- about her rivalry between her and another medical genius, Tsunade.
His grandmother and this slug infatuated woman worked at the local infirmary together, and were having dispute over one of their patients. They had a bet on who would solve what poison and the effects it had on him first.  
And guess who she had come to for help.

“But Sasori, dear. You know a lot a about poisons; I dare say you are even more accomplished than me in that area! You have to help me---I’m your grandmother!”
“No, your old hag who I wished I bore no relation to. Goodb---“Sasori, if you hang up now I’ll say it was you who poisoned the patient.”

Sasori was beyond infuriated. “You...wouldn’t dare...No, of course you would. You obviously don’t care about at all; otherwise you would have told me the truth about my parents!”
“I did that you protect you! Nothing was to harm my sweet granchil-“Save it. I don’t want to hear it.” Sasori cut across her sentence.

No...No you don’t, Sasori told himself wryly, but neither do you want authorities on your tail for a crime you didn’t even commit.  He took a deep breath.
“Okay...I’ll help you with this. And then I want you out of my life. Forever. Now tell me about his condition...”



It was simple enough, the young blond thought hopefully. Deidara stared at his plan, stretching as he did so. It was couple of hours since he had arrived home, and he had worked on his preparation for nearly all of that time.

Firstly, he would arrive at the rendezvous point early, Disguised as mutsu. He would meet the arms dealer before the actual mutsu, and obtain the gun ammo from him.
The arms dealer would leave, and if he didn’t by his own choice, then Deidara would just have to kill him too.
Next he would then wait and hide for the real Mutsu to arrive, and use this opportunity to either kill Mutsu when he arrived, or use this opportunity to learn of a better time, if needed.
It looked, felt and sounded moderately accomplishable. Deidara hoped it would manageable enough in real life.


“Deidara! Come here for a minute!” His mother called him from downstairs. Sighing, the blond got up. Everything that wasn’t working on his strategy felt so...monotonous recently. He just didn’t know why.



“I’m never...ever...going to eat smoked salmon again, un.” Deidara cried. It was one day later, when Deidara and Sasori were at school again, sitting once again on the wall in the garden part of the school grounds. “The doctor I went to see yesterday said that was what poisoned me, un.”

Neither of them was said anything else for a while, each seemed lost in their own thoughts. It wasn’t until Hidan chucked a basketball at Deidara that they snapped out of that weird spaced out mid frame.

“Whassup!” Hidan said jeeringly. “PMSing?”
Deidara just scowled, and Sasori didn’t answer.
“Well, if you are don’t express your woes with me. Bloody women.” The jashinist laughed.
“Ha-ha, very funny.” Deidara cracked a small smile. “Anyway, what’s up with you?”
“Got promoted, didn’t I?” He positively beamed. “Itachi’s been kicked off the first team, and I’m in his place!”
“Itachi’s been kicked off?” Both Sasori and Deidara repeated in unison.

Their reason was clear; after The Uchiha had tried to persuade them into joining Akatsuki, they had a shrewd idea that he was a little to busy for basketball any more.
“Any reason why, un?” Deidara asked.

“Tried to get Pein and Konan to join some weird little cult of his. Aka-something. Anyway, Pein refused point blank and Itachi took it badly.”
Sasori raised his eyebrows.
“He fucking exploded!” Hidan elaborated. “Pein now knows how metal Uchiha-ass is, so as he’s captain, he could kick him off the team.”

He chuckled evilly before remembering that there were two mere bewildered teens in front of him still.

“Blondie, what-ya been up to then?”
“Nothing much, un.”
“You look tired as anything, mate.” Hidan pointed out.
“...Well...yeah.” Deidara couldn’t really explain it. Just the lately he had been feeling sad. No, that was such an insignificant word---depressed was better. He thought so ever since coming back from Paris.
Deidara tried to shrug off the pain in his head, placing it as being linked to his recent food poisoning.
“I’ve been pretty busy, un.”

“Know what your talking about, bitch.” Hidan grinned. “Coach has been working my fucking arse off. Anyway, see you later, I gotta meet Kakuzu.”

Sasori watched Hidan’s retreating figure, and noting when he turned his attention back to the blond, said blond’s expression.
“Deidara, you okay? You look as if something bothering you.”
The blond’s thoughts wavered. Obviously it was the flaws in his plan which was bothering him, but e couldn’t exactly tell the redhead that.
“You’ll NEVER guess what my mum wants me to do, un.” He said, switching conversation rapidly.
“Join a brass band?” The redhead offered.
“Worse, un. Tonight, she wants us both to go to a photography studio, so we can have some family pictures taken, un. Me, mum and the bump.” He moaned.

“And you have no way of getting out of it?” Sasori asked.
“No, it gets worse...because you need to come to, un.”
“What?” Sasori said startled. “Why should I...?”

“Because my mum wants her gay son’s boyfriend in her family album, un. The natural reason.” Deidara gave a small smile, which struck the redhead as odd.
Normally, Deidara would have jokily laughed his head off at the redhead’s misfortune, or pity him, or even proclaim that it would be romantic or some other dribble like that. But...he just seemed...unwilling.
Maybe he’s still ill. Sasori reasoned, and tired from the flight. Depression didn’t really occur to the puppeteer.  




The photography lounge was empty except for the redhead and the blond. Kitsune Iwa was getting discreet makeup put on in another room and the photography was absent.
There was an awkward silence between them both. Sasori remember that Deidara had been silent pretty much all of the way over here. And at school...like his mind was on something else.

“Something is bothering you.” Sasori told him, slicing through the silence like a knife through butter.

“No...I’m just feeling a little down, un. That’s all.” The sculptor murmured his voice feeble.
Sasori hesitated. “That’s a lie...and you know it.” The words which came out of his mouth were a lot more forceful than he had anticipated.
Deidara just shrugged.
Sasori waited, not really what sure what to do, He glanced around the room, a large and spacious room with white as its primary colour, with little splashes of colour here and there.  His eyes met the blond again, and his lack of mood change annoyed him.

“You’re not going to tell me, are you...?” Sasori’s temper was rising steadily.

“No, because it doesn’t concern you, un.” Deidara said. “..You don’t know how much stress I’m under to kill this guy...” He muttered so very quietly; desperate to release what he was saying more clearly, but knowing that it would have disastrous consequences if he did.

"Oh?" said Sasori. He walked over to the blond, itching to do something to really freak him out.
"What was, Deidara?" he asked.
Deidara’s half lidded eyes were averted from his partner until Sasori had asked him to repeat himself.
Damn, this was bad. It was bad enough just mumbling to himself about his little secret, but now he would have to repeat himself to the one person it would affect the most.
Sasori raised his arm slightly and paused before running his finger up the blond's neck.
"You know, you can tell me Deidara. Don't you trust me?"

At first, Deidara was too aghast to find words. He incoherently mumbled, before spilling out “It’s not a matter of trust, un...just don’t feel like talking about it.”

“Well, that’s fine. There’s a reason.” Sasori said finally, before placing re-position his hand to form around the back of the sculptor’s neck, and pulled his head just that adequate amount closer into a kiss.
Deidara’s hostility vaporised for a while, as kissing his boyfriend was some sort of stress relief. He located his hand at the lower part of his Danna’s back, pulling them closer, about to deepen their kissing when-

“That’s it!” a voice screamed. The blond and the redhead jumped apart at lightning speed, both blushing blush ferociously.
“What the hell, un?!” Deidara yelled, glaring around for a source of where the voice came from.

“That’s even more it! Gosh, you guys are going to be the next big thing!” A man was yelling down at them from a floor above, staring in wonder and amazement form a sort of balcony type-thing. “You’re exactly what I’m looking for!” He threw back his head and yelled “Whipppeeee!”

Sasori didn’t know whether to call the police or shoot him with a tranquilizer.
“...we...are...what?” Deidara mumbled, completely lost for words.

“Do I really have to explain?!” The man was now running down the spiral steps to join the artistic duo on the floor below. He had long black hair and wore glasses which were tinted pink. He jumped the final step and landing in front of Sasori with a banana shaped smile. “You two are...perfect!”

“You!” He bellowed happily, pointing a finger at Sasori, who let out a very un-Sasori like yelp. “You have that surly, angst filled expression that people just want to orgasm over! And you have the redhead hair which just screams fiery and quick tempered...but you look as if you hide something beneath that pale complexion! You’re a perfect lead seme!”
“...seme?” He repeated confused as to what this meant.


“I’ll explain later” The man laughed, before whipping around to face Deidara. “Where as you...where do I begin! The most uke person ever in the flesh---  slender,  slightly taller than your partner...long fair hair and a pudgy face!”

“PUDGY, UN?!” cut across the man’s sentence.

“But most importantly, you have the gender confusion factor. Are you man, are you are woman---You’re a confuser! The public LOVE that!”
“I’m a man, un!” ripped through the man’s rant.
“Even better! Secret, definitely requited and altogether sexily controversial boy love!”

There was silence as the man finished his heart felt rant. Sasori wondered whether he should punch him now, or some time later.
“Actually...now you mention, I can see some manly features in you. Jaw line. Adam’s apple...” He paused, searching for more, until his face lit up.  
“...Plus, that’s a very manly ass.” He commented, thwacking Deidara’s behind with his hand.

“Fucking... ow!” the blond yelled. This was ignored by the black haired man. Sasori looked like he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
“My name is Harley. And I want you two...to be my star feature in my photo shoot!”

The look of horror on both the guy’s faces was off the scale.
“No. No way.” Sasori said firmly, shaking his head to show his opinion even more. There was no chance in  hell that Sasori would agree to do this. It was over the borderline of insanity.

A hysterical laugh was heard form above the artist duo and Harley. All three of them looked up to see Deidara’s mother leaning on the balcony, positively shaking with laughter.  When she had recovered form her bout of amusement, she began to talk to the teens form up on the balcony.

“Oh you two...you have to do this! I wouldn’t let this opportunity pass if i were you two...it’s like the stuff of dreams!” She cracked up laughing again.

“More like the stuff of nightmares.” Sasori muttered under his breath.

“Deidara, this could be the pick-me-up you need! A carefree photo shoot in the hands of a professional...how bad could it possibly be?”
The expression of doubt on Deidara’s face began to waver. “...Well...” he began before his mother cut in.

“I’ll change tact. You do this, or I’ll not let you go to Goshogowara on the 7th.”
Deidara’s heart beat quickened. No, if his mother didn’t let him go to Goshowara, where he would kill the last gang member, at that time, the whole plan would be ruined.
Knowing his mother meant business, with a feeling that part of his dignity had just packed up and left home, Deidara agreed.

Sasori did a double take. No way was the blond agreeing! This was preposterous! As if he, the puppeteer murderer, would ever agree do this photo shoot too, there would be no point in Deidara trying to persuade him, and----“Danna, you’ll do it, un?” Deidara asked, breaking his thought train.

“Huh? Okay.” Sasori said, without actually realising what he had said. “NO! I mean, no!”
“To late now Danna, un. We’re in this together.”

A couple of hours later, Deidara was standing next to Sasori in front of a completely white canvas, holding a cane and wearing a top hat. He was shirtless, but wore these small sleeves with black buttons on the wrist. Sasori was staring forlornly at the camera, dressed in an overcoat, shirt, tie and trousers. For now.

“But we need to create to feeling of opposites! Deidara is wearing no shirt, so you wear no trousers!” Harley said hysterically.

“If you think I’m taking them off, then you are mentally deranged. You drew the line at making me dress up as a waitress. No way am I doing that.”

“We’ll see about that...” Harley said manically. “Kitsune, any suggestions?”

Deidara’s mum was enjoying the show of her son and his boyfriend making fools of themselves from a seat next to the photographer.
“Hmmm...Sasori, just remember who’s giving you a lift back tonight. I could always leave you stranded here with Harley.”

With a feeling of absolute dread and defeat, Sasori took his trousers off, so he was standing there just in his boxers and overcoat. Deidara wolf whistled.
The puppeteer didn’t succumb too easily with other suggestions. He refused point blank to leather trousers, and didn’t accept the offer to be cowgirl, and settled on being the cowboy instead.

There was many more photos shot of the artistic duo, snap after snap, flash after flash.

Deidara was amazed at how happy his mother was, seeing her son being a...model. At one point, he had the full drag queen makeup on, and she didn’t even bat an eyelid.  

If the outfits weren’t horrible enough, then the photographer telling them to do certain expression was terrifyingly horrible. Deidara laughed heartedly at Sasori’s “happy” face, whereas the redhead got his own back when it came to the seme and uke shot.

Sasori pushed his boyfriend to the ground in a laying down position, while he knelt down next to his head. He had his face hovering over Deidara’s, their lips a mini distance form each other. This was supposed to be a very edgy and serious picture....and yet Sasori was whispering “You un-manly little uke.” In Deidara’s ear while the photo was being taken.

Just when the teens thought they could take no more, Harley uttered the most unpleasant words he had said all evening.

"Now...I was going to finish just now, but I’ve had a sudden brain wave. Let’s do some macho pictures for men’s health.”